Month: April 2019

Fight or Flight?

How do you escape reality when it becomes too much?

This is one-part rhetorical question. There’s simply no way of escaping reality. The answer lies in the latter part.

You just have to stay there and fight the fight.

Here are some ways to help.

First, reduce the stress

There are several ways of doing this. Repeat the mantra every problem has a solution.

If you’ve spent too much time poring over this, take a small break. Take a catnap, spend time with fun company.

Change your perspective

People climb the Kilimanjaro and Everest, conquering arduous terrain, roughing it out in hostile conditions willingly. Look at this as your adventure.

Lay it all on the table

Visualize this in your mind, and dump all the worries, the work on an imaginary table. This puts a welcome distance. It frees your brain to think of strategies to address this problem.

Break it down in parts

Separate problems instead of bunching all into one. This way you can target each problem with specific solutions instead of bunching your cerebral knickers in a Gordian knot.

Break it down in sub parts

Once you have identified each problem, break it down in smaller parts. This will make the humungous task less immense, and you will solve it bit by bit. On summit day of the arduous Kilimanjaro hike, they do it in the dark, so you will not see the immense peak ahead and give up. You look only the light of the headlamp to see your feet and the limited illumined path ahead.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Cultivate patience.

In this world of instant gratification, we all seek quick fixes. But a thorough solving of the problem is better than a band-aid quick fix with that unspoken threat of recurring problems.

Omit Drama

Take stock of situation, and look at it dispassionately with the perspective of a yogic seer. Do not get enmeshed. Drama’s a major energy suck. To resolve the issue on hand, conserve energy to use it wisely when needed. Save a bit of the drama though. Sometimes, a pity party for one helps refocus.

Take out the “My” aspect

Look at it as someone else’s problem. Often, we advise better when it is somebody else’s problem. This role play avoids unnecessary entanglement.

Be flexible

Understand there’s no one way of doing things. Be not afraid of failed solutions, and do not persevere on one thing.

First Pick?

Should you pick the toughest problem to attack first or the easiest? If you feel motivated with early successes, choose the easier ones first. On the other hand, if you choose the hardest ones to solve first, you’ve put the toughest ones behind. Or, you can mix it up with easy victories first. It’s like training for the marathon. Then, you can do the toughest ones in between, and finally wrap with with the rest of the easier ones for a cakewalk finish. Deadline is another important feature that will determine choice.

Take a break.

Sometimes the problem gets into a glitch, and you are stuck on one solution. This is the time to take a break. There are several choices.

.Exercise if you’ve been sitting for too long.

.Get up and move around, stretch, and take your eyes off the ball.

.Smell the roses around, hear the birds. Go for a walk.

.Do nothing, just hear your breathing flow in and out.

If you have other ways of self-soothing; music, hot bath for example, go for it! It’s not a distraction, but an encouragement to get back to finishing tasks ahead. It also serves to remind you what is awaiting once task is done faster and efficiently.

Make sure you stay nourished.

Always stock your pantry with nourishing food to feel strong and healthy. As you expend mental and physical energy, you need self-fortification. Junk food and soda make you ill at ease.

Get adequate sleep

Let go of all tensions, unplug smart devices, and breathe into your sleep. Park your problems outside the bedroom door.

Stay Organized

Use calendars, reminders, milestones, to-do lists to help declutter the mind. A simple whiteboard is a good thing to have with a check-off list for the day.

Revisit the problem

Avoid logjam. A reset releases you from a fixation in addition to relaxing the mind.

Celebrate mini victories

Pat yourself on your back, and use the warm glow to fuel the next solution. This can be a good addiction to have.

Take another point of view

Two heads are always better than one. Listen to other perspectives, but be careful not to let too many cooks in, they really do spoil the broth.

Let others in, delegate!

Sometimes letting others in to help can bring more to the table of resolution. Their unique strengths can lift you from sinking into a bog. You don’t have to do everything.

Take it as a challenge

Instead of looking at it as grunt work, look upon it as your own Everest climb.

Enjoy the process

Solving issues one by one is like doing a jigsaw puzzle. Once several pieces are on the table in position, it starts to go faster and gets very enjoyable.

Problem solving can be fun.

Give it all you got.

You will feel a sense of purpose, a higher self worth, and a meaning in what you do.

Offer Gratitude

Feel gratitude because you have the ability and the chops to solve issues, and this will spur you on.

One at a time or several at one go?

Solve issues one by one, instead of multiple in one go. This way your perspective will not get muddled. However, if you begin to fixate, obsess on one without solutions or at the cost of other issues, choose another. You want to avoid the analysis-paralysis conundrum.

Celebrate at the finish line.

Remember the time you reserved to celebrate when you have successfully tackled all issues?

Be prepared, you may feel a sadness and emptiness akin to mourning at the finish line. Instead, celebrate this victory, and remember life has a way of filling up your plate with more adventures you once used to refer to as problems.

©IK 2019

The Lesson

Carl’s a popular Zumba instructor. His moves and music are inspiring enough to gain fun and lose pounds. His energy is infectious, and the room reverberates with the intense routine filled with foot-shaking music. Lines snake from entrance to exit, and the class is filled to capacity. Despite our gym membership, people reserve a spot a few days before class by paying an extra dollar to ensure they get a place.

Another way is to get to class an hour early and get a ticket for class behind the ones that paid.

Carl knows how to wield power over the class. They’re reverential to his leadership qualities, his hot Latin music, and confident dance moves. His exercises target several muscle groups including core, arm, leg muscles, and glutes. The sound of hands and feet hitting the floor, the peppy music, the claps, the whoops, make the walls resound. Despite the large capacity of the room and an air conditioning system working overtime, the room mirrors fog up like a steamy love scene in a car from some old ship wreck movie.

Last week, there was no long waiting line, and that’s when we realized we had forgotten he was on vacation. For those who came prepared for some High Intensive Training, it was extremely disappointing.

The substitute was quite a contrast to him. She was a young lady, a bit insecure, and was not exactly an enthusiasm whipper-upper. Most everyone’s disappointment turned to veiled hostility.

Her unfamiliarity with the sound system got the class on a rocky start. Some rolled their eyes behind her back without caring the room had mirrors. Her diffidence began to swell, and it affected the over-all climate. The dance moves were not on par with Confident Carl. She tried to get people to make some noise, but the class did not oblige. A few snooty people left, and the instructor smiled helplessly at their exit.

It was hard, and my friend’s enthusiasm began to flag. She whispered, “This instructor just cannot get me motivated.” I told her to go along, and recommended, “Let’s make whooping noises to get energy up.”

Our noises perked up the pace a bit, and the instructor smiled weakly in gratitude. We also experimented some new subtle moves, and she began to imitate them.

After a while, my friend whispered a goodbye to hit the elliptical machine instead.

The teacher tried rearranging the formation, dividing up the rapidly shrinking group, and even asked for song choices. Her diffidence grew, as people filed out in the middle of a routine.

Somehow, I completed the class. At the end, I went to thank her, but she beat me to it instead. Overall, I managed to whip myself a good workout despite the average lesson.

Carl came back for today’s class after a relaxed break.

We waited in line to get the numbers called. Since I got there ten minutes before class, the last of the tickets were gone. I put my name on the waiting list, and I noticed my friend. She congratulated on my patience, and all the others complained how awful it was with him gone the prior week.

It was nearly full attendance, and I was lucky to find the sole absentee spot. But I was way back in line and could hardly see Carl.

He talked about his vacation, and everyone crowed how glad he was back. They began to stoke his ego, and I could see his grin grow wider. He satisfactorily brought to our attention the attendance strength, mentioned he had text messages from class members extolling his confident skills, and he thanked them for missing him this much. People had also complained about the substitute. He brought up the prior week’s class and said that he learned only seven people stayed back until the end. Everyone laughed remembering.

Then he with a hint of sarcasm, asked, “So, who were those people who stayed?′

People scanned their head, probably to sneak a laugh at those foolish ones. Some out of the few who stayed were too embarrassed to raise the hand.

Despite the discomfort I raised my hand, for I felt bad for the substitute. It was no fault of hers they did not like her in comparison to confident Carl. Besides, it seemed somewhat unpalatable in staying silent for a herd this shallow. Seeing me, a couple others slowly raised their hand, almost embarrassed for having stayed in a “bad” class. The class continued to titter.

Carl looked at me in the back and at the couple of hands raised peppered in the crowded class. He signaled for us come to the front line. The others made room with utmost deference, and he asked me specifically to take the most coveted spot right behind him.

After class, I went up to thank him. The topic came up again, and I asked him why he used this unique approach to address it. He was with another instructor friend. Quite simply he looked at her and said, “Haven’t we all been there?”

Silence

“What is ultimate silence?”

Someone once asked me a question.

I said I didn’t know.

She whispered almost inaudibly,

as if afraid to put thoughts

in other peoples’ minds.

But I paid close attention,

absorbed

every

word

in the sponge inside my head.


Her words were something magical,

a mind movie began to unspool.

I had visions of a caterpillar

finishing push-ups,

and ever-so- s-l-o-w-ly

walking away….

….. on plush Persian carpet,

wearing only the softest velvet shoes.


I did whisper, “Graçias Madre!”

But she did not hear me.

Becka’s Beginnings

The writer hovers the nib over virgin-white paper. She waits for that perfect opening line, but it does not come.

“Instead of a constipated mind, I wish I had verbal diarrhea,” begins the first line.

The prurient beginning does not sit well with her crappy mood. Becka rips the page, crumples it, and shoots the ball in the circular file.

She begins again, “She was in deep waters, when the leg cramp began,” and then the thoughts stop flowing. She waits, but the writing hand feels a stiffness. Another crumpled ball goes in the basket.

“The father played with his child’s blocks,” she writes, but she can get no farther. She seems to hit a wall. “The block is in my mind,” she berates herself, but she does not give up.

“Another one bites the dust,” she begins, but with a new violence, she rips, crushes, and throws the snowy ball.

“Practice makes perfect,” she wryly notes, as it successfully lands in the basket.

“The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog, and the canine bared his teeth and growled.” This start seems to have no bite, and so it lazily joins the others.

It’s always a bit tragic to see new starts crash and burn; is this the end of the beginning?

“There’s got to be a perfect one,” she sighs, looking at the mound of balls in the waste bin. She stretches her hands, rotates wrists clockwise and in the reverse. She rises up, stretches, rolls the shoulders, and this loosens her some.

She picks up the pen again to finally put down a very satisfying story starter.

“Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again.”

She is correct, it is the perfect one.

Only, it isn’t hers.

©IK 2019

Supported

It is that moment when the primordial earth mother receives me in the most vulnerable state. She accepts me unconditionally, and I trust her implicitly.

I lie out on my mat in sweet perspiration and utmost clarity. I’m ready, so ready to receive her love.

I do not question. It’s the corpse pose, yet every single fiber of my being is most alive, and the mind in unimpeded.

She supports me, and my mind’s eye dispassionately watches heavy anchors float away. I let go of the straps of baggage one by one. She holds me in her womb, in her lap, in her arms again.

I breathe in an out, cleansing a spirit of judgment, resentment, control, and restraint. Shackles unlock and fall away themselves.

In and out my prana goes, and I am part of the living web. Gratitude and acknowledgment flow in and out in this single, yet collective gift. I am here; light, vulnerable, and completely open. I am strong.
I am

©IK 2019

STRIPE TEASE

Far and wide spreads the plain

in scorching sun, no drop o’rain

On his back rests her head,

he does too in good stead

Neck to Neck they hug

The world’s heart, they willingly tug.

Synchronized to the stripe

In harmony with no gripe

“Romantic embrace,” pronounce the gawkers

“Eternal love,” concur the stalkers.

“Look, how they got the other’s back,

enmeshed in their white and black!”

What an endearing thing,

it does make the heart sing!

“If only they knew..,” he mumbles

″…this is our only way,” she grumbles.

“To avoid being eaten to the bone,

our togetherness is more a millstone.”

On each back they rest each neck

360 degree view they check.

Lions, cheetahs, and leopards prowl,

forever on alert is that hyena’s howl.

Nobody wants to be that easy prey.

Working together seems the only way.

If only rubberneckers knew,

they’d stop the coo and ooh.

Often it’s not what one thinks,

danger lurks in 40 small winks

The thought of cutting some slack

is invitation to violent attack.

Put simply in sapiens verse,

“You scratch my back, and I will yours,”

©IK 2019